For The Heart I Once Had
by Anna Scathach
Summary: ...what was left were a heap of ashes and a broken boy... D/G oneshot.


A/N: This is a oneshot to Nightwish's song For The Heart I Once had from their new album Dark Passion Play. It's great, and I think this is one of the best songs on it.  
Dedicated to all my friends and classmates I'll leave tomorrow. I'll miss you!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, would I be writing fanfiction if I did? (Besides, then Draco and Ginny would be together...) And the song is For the Heart I Once Had by Nightwish. I don't own that, either.

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For the heart I once had

_Heaven today is but a way  
To a place I once called home  
Heart of a child, one final sigh  
As another love goes cold_

I kill. Everybody knows I do. From my childhood I was destined to be a Death Eater. At school, everybody thought they knew. They all thought I was like my father. But that was wrong, back then. I once had a heart. Today though, well, let's just say, I have changed. Now I am exactly the man everybody once thought I was. No surprises there, I was always fighting fate, but of course I didn't succeed.

_Once my heart beat to the rhythm of the falling snow  
Blackened below, the river now flows  
A stream of molten virgin snow_

Once, a long time ago, I was human. I was a normal human being with emotions just like everyone else. Well, maybe not like everyone, but I did have emotions.  
Not many people ever knew that.

There was Blaise Zabini, my best friend. Honestly, did you ever think I could be friends with guys like Crabbe and Goyle? They were good at following orders, but you couldn't talk to them. It was like talking to a thick stone wall: They were never going to respond. Blaise, however, left immediately after the Death Eater attack in our sixth year. His father had decided to remain neutral. So, to protect themselves, they went to France. I never saw him again.

And then there was a girl. Ginny Weasley. To be honest, I liked provoking her brother. But she was different. I remember her, cunning and always smirking. Hell, she could easily have been in Slytherin. She was clever, really. Especially at Potions, which was also my favorite subject. Plus, she was beautiful. Her red hair, unlike any of her brothers', cascaded down her back in almost burgundy waves. When light fell onto it, it seemed to burn like fire. During summer break, she had also developed quite a nice figure. I forgot to mention she was also Potter's girlfriend. How convenient it seemed at that time. I wanted to have her just to spite Potter. Of course, I never intended to fall for her. But I did.

Then I fell deep.

_For the heart Ill never have  
For the child forever gone  
The music flows, because it longs  
For the heart I once had_

I had been with her for nearly two months when it happened. We were stealing a couple of kisses in a secret hallway. Suddenly, she broke the kiss and looked at me. She said she was sorry, but she couldn't be with me anymore. She said she was in love with Potter. She also said he needed her. Everything else she said afterwards was a blur to me. Until then, I hadn't noticed I cared for her. But at the very moment I knew for sure I'd fallen for Ginny Weasley, she turned and walked away from me.

Then I fell, deeper than I could have imagined. After all, what was left in my life? My father a cold and heartless Death Eater, my mother abused by him and too frightened to complain, my best friend gone to France to protect his family, my love in love with my enemy…

So I chose to live without a heart. That's why I became who I am now. I once was a child, but nobody would recognize me anymore. I am a Death Eater, feared all among England's wizard population, even among most of my fellow Death Eaters. Because I can't lose what I already lost a long time ago.

_Living today without a way  
To understand the weight of the world  
Faded and torn, old and forlorn  
My weak and hoping heart_

The only thing I can do to forget is playing the piano. Sounds strange, I know. The big, bad Death Eater going all soft for music. But it is true. I can't tell anyone about what happened back then, so I let the music tell my story. Only in these rare times I can admit I still love her in some way. And somewhere deep inside me, there still is a heart, hoping for Ginny to return.

_For the child, for the light  
For the heart I once had  
Ill believe and foresee  
Everything I could ever be_

I can't help imagining what could have been. I know it was my fault for I never really let her be with me. She trusted me, but she also knew Potter loved her. Even I wouldn't have chosen me. How can I blame her?

We could have been happy. Once, when I still had a heart, when I still loved, when I still cared, it could have worked. It was impossible, though. Our families were mortal enemies, and we fought on opposite sides in a desperate war. For that matter we still do.

_For the heart Ill never have  
For the child forever gone  
The music flows, because it longs  
For the heart I once had_

_Time will not heal a dead boy's scars  
Time will kill_

I died a long time ago. What I do now can't be called living. It's more or less waiting for my body to join my soul in the darkness. Honestly, I'm waiting for death to come. For this isn't what I wanted to be. I wanted to be different from my father. Here I am, even crueler than him. I'm glad it will be over soon. These wounds nobody sees, these everlasting scars will never heal, but I don't want to feel them anymore.

_For the heart Ill never have  
For the child forever gone  
__The music flows, because it longs  
For the heart I once had_

That's my life. Pathetic, isn't? Draco Malfoy, rejected by a girl, isn't able to deal with his life afterwards. I'm glad nobody knows.

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Then he watched the pale parchment in front of him dissolve into grey ashes. He watched it burn. Fire claimed the tale of his misery just like his heart had been claimed a long time ago. And just like his heart, the parchment disappeared. What was left were a heap of ashes and a broken boy.

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A/N: Please review! Thanks a lot!

Anna Scathach


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